.:FAITH :.
..Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. HEBREWS 11:1..
I really need to update! I called my sister today and she told me that my parents read my blog and they're still freaking out about my previous blog concerning my finances...or lack thereof tehe.
Two summers ago, God answered my prayer. I had just graduated from UIC with a secondary education degree but was far from lovin' being a teacher. I completed my student teaching in inner-city Chicago, North Lawndale to be exact (where Luther Head, UIUC's star basketball player graduated from). It was no walk in the park. Those four months weren't quit like "Dangerous Minds" despite my constant strivings for that to become a reality. So after graduation I decided to be super idealistic and work at a coffee shop and write songs until I "made it" (hahahahah....i'm laughing at myself). A month passed and I realized how stupid I was. But during the summer I began to really delve into the Bible and ask God to open a door for me. I knew I didn't know what I'm suppose to be doing. A part of me wanted to write music, the other part (perhaps the insane portion of me) wanted to teach again. So, a month before the fall semester commenced, I was reading the book of Ruth. The Holy Spirit touched me with how wonderful of a provider God truly is. Amazed, I wrote in my journal, " God, what You provide is always far above what I can find for myself." Seconds after I wrote that, the Principle from Waubonsie Valley High School called me asking me if I would like to come in for an interview. The astounding part is that I had not completed the application process online. I only handed my resume to a rep at a career fair, which most of us college grads know we won't be finding a job at those places.
Me with my class. Hm...which one's the teacher? hahaha
Chaperoning Waubonsie's Prom
After that happened, I cannot shake this longing in me to be in God's will. I'm addicted it. I don't want to settle for anything less than knowing where I am and what I'm doing is His desire for me. There's nothing that beats knowing you're walking on the sidewalk Jesus paved for you! AH! MAN! When I made my decision to stay at IHOP and attend FMA, I asked God to confirm my decision, and He did through many people. So when I started FMA and didn't have enough money to pay rent or really buy food, I was frantic. I've been a walking zombie the past two weeks. God pummpeled me (gently : ) during that short time with the truth of my lack of faith. I ran around like a headless chicken trying to contact my supporters and find a job on my own. I didn't know whether or not I was in His will. All I could do is stick myself in the prayer room before I'd freak out.
Before last week, I had no idea how I was going to pay for this month's rent. Despite the reassuring and loving words God spoke to me EVERYTIME I came before Him in a frenzy, I still wanted to take things into my own hands. He shared with me specifically about how I don't even need to work in order to support myself as an intercessory missionary. Still I wanted to "earn" my own wages. It seemed much easier than waiting around to freak out. So intead of believing His promises in the Bible and what He has told me countless times, I did the "ye of little faith" thing, which was apply for jobs everywhere I could think of. People in FMA probably thought I was super anti-social. I barely talked to anyone other than Zach cause I was so stressed.
God cornered me to wrestle with Him rather than depend on my own skills and wrestle with man. I was in Jacob's (Genesis 32:22-32) shoes for a little bit, except I didn't get to have a real hands-on wrestling match with the Man himself, darn it! i really had to look into God's word and ask myself, do I really believe what God says?:
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:25-34)
Though I didn't wrestle gracefully and lacked much grace, God proved Himself faithful once again : ). I've received 5 support checks in the mail and got a job at IHOP (I don't consider that work, ask me about it if it's a big concern to you and stumbling your Spirit). MAN!!!! GOD YOU'RE SO GOOD...and i'm so fleshy and bad....but Your amazing love is making me better. I sat in a set last Saturday and God really kissed my heart with this passage and I hope it blesses you too:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And throught he rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43:1-3)
He is a God who knows us, yet still loves us with the best love possible.
:: COMEDY RELIEF ::
Ok that was uber serious, here's something that will make you laugh...cause it made me laugh outloud. Mind you, I'm in love with the updated Euro mullet
::Yo Mama ::
I saw cellist extrodinaire Yo-yo Ma this weekend with the FMA crew. Though unclear of where Yo-yo (we're on first name basis now. Come on! He is azn therefore my bro and best friend) stands in his beliefs, he did share some wise words concerning music.
We attended a Master Class where Yo-yo gave some pointers to young aspiring cellists. The genius musician that he is (do you find yourself trying to capitalize the "H" in He a lot b/c you write about God so much? or is it just me), he had all the right in the world to really criticize these young students. I mean, the man went to Julliard and graduated when he was suppose to be in elementary school! Instead Yo-yo was so empathetic and affirming. He also had a cool red watch.
Many times when Yo-yo was trying to assist the young musicians to convey the emotions the composer wrote the notes with, he would ask them what do they see or feel. After really thinking about the story behind the notes rather than focusing on technicalities of the notes, the students played the same measures again, but this time giving the notes life and emotions.
This really convicted and convinced me of how I need to approach the mic when singing on intercession sets. It's so easy for me to get into my ADD thinking a million thoughts and noticing who is walking into the prayer room while singing. The notes and the words I sing are then lifeless because I failed to connect with the emotion of the intercessor and Jesus. I tried to approach intercession with Yo-yo's wise words in mind when I sang on the Internatonal set Sunday night. It made a world of difference. I actually interceded up there rather than just sing.
